Update

Hello, hello my lovelies. I know it has been a while, but real life can be very distracting. When I last left you I had met a few potentials and I have made some progress with them over the last few weeks. I have been mostly focused on D, since he is by far the most Dominant and interesting of the bunch. Unfortunately, I’ve also had an odd development with a friend of mine, let’s call him M. M and I have been spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks and while I thought it was just an emerging friendship, he seems to think we are beginning a relationship. A few days ago he decided to have ‘the talk’ with me about where things are going with us. Color me shocked! What the hell am I supposed to do with this? He is not my type on any level – besides not being a Dom he is a virgin! Seriously, that is like wanting to learn to swim by jumping into the middle of the Pacific.

Sigh.

Well, I hate to say this, but I did not flat out refuse him. Maybe I’m a bad person (Ok, I am a bad person ;) but M is nice, single and dependable. All good qualities in a possible mate, even if he doesn’t mesh with me sexually. You see, as interested as I am in D, there are a few issues. First of all, he lost contact with me for over a week and while he had a good reason, I don’t exactly trust him. You see I am not a trusting person by any stretch of the imagination and even less so when considering someone as a potential. D has been great to talk to, but I won’t know where things are going with him until we actually meet and I can get a feel for the physical chemistry between us. Beyond that, considering the circumstances under which we met there is no way I can even trust that he isn’t married with four kids or an unemployed player living at home with his mom. Until I know the full score I can’t count on anything happening with D and so I (This sounds awful) want to keep my options open with M and S, just in case.

Speaking of S, I’ve been trading some e-mails with him and it looks like we will be getting together to hang out pretty soon. Same problem with S as M though (And yes, I used those letters in that order for the ironic value >:) since S does not strike me as particularly Dominant, either. I suppose what it’s all coming down to is the meeting with D. If he turns out to be everything he appears to be, then I will let M down gently and shift S into friend mode. God, I hope things work out with D. I really can’t imagine dating either of the other potentials and I miss being a sub so much. D seems to match with me so well on every level and I will be truly disappointed if he turns out to be a liar or just not interested in me. I suppose that is all for now, but I will do my best to keep you updated. Ta-ta for now, my lovelies.

Progress

Hello again. I should have mentioned in my first post that I have no plans to be a frequent updater. Once a week is probably my limit. Anyway, there is progress to report on the meeting people front. I actually met two men over the last week - one may or may not be a Dom, the other definitely is. The first guy, we shall call him S, I met at a recent library event I attended. He and I are in the same program at school and we have quite a bit of common ground, which is always nice. He seemed very sweet and not totally my type, but quite cute. He is at least worth meeting again and seeing what happens.

As for the other fellow, well my lovelies, he is a very different story. In the category of jumping in head first I decided to take a bit of a risk and join a singles site for people into BDSM and I also searched the local CraigsList postings for that same term to see what was available in my own area. The whole CL thing is a bit sketchy, but I figured it would be OK to give it a try using an alternate e-mail account, just in case. So, the other night I went on and searched and found three ads with some potential, but after careful reading and re-reading I decided to only respond to the one that really struck me. The next day I had a reply and he actually seemed quite normal. Let's call him D, shall we? D and I traded IM contact info two days later and having been IMing for a bit every day since. We've traded pictures and shared some details and so far, so good. He seems to have everything I want in a Dom, but that doesn't mean I am sold. Beyond the weirdness of meeting someone from CL, there is also the age old wisdom of 'too good to be true' to bear in mind. I really like what he has to say and he seems great, but how can you ever really know for sure until you meet someone? We are taking things slow, we haven't even spoken on the phone yet, never mind setting up a meeting. This is his wish as well as mine and I find that reassuring. Last night we IMed for over three hours and it was a bit like being back in high school. 

I feel like I am at war with myself now. Rational me versus emotional me. Rational me says 'Hey, you don't even know this guy! He could be a serial rapist or a 50 year old lying jerk! Take your time and keep your plans to meet S again and see where that goes.' Emotional me is yelling back 'JUMP OFF THE CLIFF!!! HEAD FIRST!!! DON'T LOOK, JUST JUMP!!!' Stupid emotional me. This is one of the few times I am glad I am as cynical as I am because at least that means that I won't be too surprised or disappointed when both guys turn out to married or gay or jerks or whatever. They might turn out to be great, but I still have plenty of time to find that out. 

Still, progress is progress, no? Not a bad first week. Bye for now, lovelies.