Tryout

Well, I never promised to be a frequent updater, so you can't be too disappointed. I just finished round one with a brand new contender. This one shall be called E. I met E a little over a week ago at a party and during an interesting discussion I revealed I was a sub and he made some comments about it. I wound up flirting pretty hard with him, resulting in an exchange of numbers. It also turns out he lives right upstairs from me, convenient, no? 

So, how was it, you might ask? Not bad, my lovelies, but not good either. He used a crop on me, my favorite, tied me to the bed and handcuffed me, all things I enjoy. The problem was the lack of connection I suppose. There wasn't much of a spark, that little fire you get in your belly when you are with someone who excites you. E was fine, well-endowed and handy with the crop, but after I felt rather bored.

You may be asking what happen to my other candidates, well, D vanished into the mists and while I went out with S, it just wasn't meant to be. He is clearly not a Dom and there was even less spark with him than with E. I hate to say this, but I may keep using E since at least it's something, but I feel odd about it. I suppose this all goes back to P, the bastard. I loved him and obeyed him for eight years, on and off, and he has spoiled me for others. I miss the connection I had with P, the knowledge that he loved me and was pleased with me no matter what. I miss the desire and passion we had together and I mourn the end of that relationship more than most will ever know. 

This all brings me back to my ultimate question. If I am not finding anyone with even a whiff of potential as a long-term Dom, what then? I already know I will go forward with my plans to have a child, but I suppose, no matter how many unsatisfying potentials I go through this year, it will all be reassurance that the child is the right choice. Regardless of my current feelings, I will continue on in my search and I will let you know how it goes.